BEARS EAT FOLK

THE HORROR MUST END

2011-06-25T19:00:00.000-07:00

Last year in the U.S. over 13 million people were killed by bears. They were not all escaped from the zoo. Some of them were from the wild.

Wild bears live in a very diverse biosphere. Some bears live in the woods in Alaska.

Some bears live under sinks and between the aluminum siding and the wood on homes.

Some bears even live in glove compartmets.

What all these bears have in common is that they want human flesh. Lots of human flesh.

Bear Propaganda at it's worst: They WILL eat you all someday!

2009-07-21T06:18:00.001-07:00

Bears Eat Cupid

2009-07-11T11:47:00.000-07:00

Reports have recently been coming in of a new plot by bears to bring an end to human domination of the planet.
Bears have been giving bad advice to young men in relationships in order to hook up with hot human chicks for greasy but non-procreative sex.

Timmy Mildewbeet had planned for a traditional prom night. "I did everything the bears told me to do" he cried in anguished tones. "I got drunk, I yelled and cussed, but then when I came out of the dance she was playing the two backed beast with a Montana Grizzly in the back of the limo."

Government officials at the Dr. Ruth Bear and Sex Center in Peoria Illinois have issued a blanket statement to men worldwide. "While we know that chicks think bears are hot, you must not assume that the relationship advice they are giving you is going to help you score"

Bears prepare for war with Bears

2009-06-29T12:59:00.000-07:00

Leather Bears all over the U.S. and in foreign countries like Alabama are preparing for all out war with the evil flesh eating bears that have in recent weeks began to pour out of woods and used car lots in the billions bent on tasting sweet human flesh.

Harry G. Lorryhole, vice chairman of LeatherBear Nation stated that "these god damned monsters are giving us a bad name, they must be destroyed!"

He has admonished all LB Nation members to start pumping even more iron than usual.

The director of the Centers for Bear Disease Control in West Branch Iowa thinks this is a good plan. "We know that the only way to kill wild bears is to punch them repeatedly in the left ear, bullets or laser beams, hell, even nuclear weapons just bounce off them like salmon eggs."

The Congress has recently set aside one hundred ninety seven trillion dollars to pay for leather harnessess and weight sets as the world waits to see if the coming bearpocalypse can be stopped.

BEARS DEMAND RIGHT TO VOTE

2009-06-25T19:51:00.000-07:00

The New York Daily Planetary Times reported yesterday that a vocal lobby of bears laid siege to Washington D.C. today in a show of force designed to promote the nefarious 'Bear Agenda'.

Franklin R. Humanchomper, a grizzly who bussed in from Montana said "look, you humans are good for nothing but food, as a matter of fact, I haven't eaten in almost three minutes and I think I am going to devour you right............."
the report ends at that point.

The Southern Wealthy Law Center has announced that henceforth hating bears will not be deemed a 'Hate Crime'.

WARNING

2009-06-25T19:27:00.001-07:00

It was announced by the Royal Canadian Mounted Bear Watch Service today that bears have been involved in over 17,234 carjackings in the last month.

Bear scientist Jackvaroschmov Klepticoniac has estimated that in the near future, all bears will have stolen cars and may begin to turn them into hot rods.

The 1970's doccumentary 'The Road Warrior" shows in startling detail what the world will be like when bears have all the cars. In the film the bears, because real bears must eat human flesh over forty times per day, are played by humans in leather trousers.

IT'S A FACT

2009-06-25T19:07:00.000-07:00

According to the National Bear Institute, an adult bear of any spiecies must eat every twenty three seconds or it risks the chance of exploding. The only food that bears eat is human flesh, thus over nine million humans must be eaten by bears every week in North America.
The Chairman Mao Bear Study Center in Hohhot China predicts that by the year 2046 there will be more bears on the planet Earth than cockroaches. Studies have shown that bears have been experimenting with inter-spicies breeding and that a plauge of bearwasps may well end life as we know it.