Bears prepare for war with Bears

Leather Bears all over the U.S. and in foreign countries like Alabama are preparing for all out war with the evil flesh eating bears that have in recent weeks began to pour out of woods and used car lots in the billions bent on tasting sweet human flesh.

Harry G. Lorryhole, vice chairman of LeatherBear Nation stated that "these god damned monsters are giving us a bad name, they must be destroyed!"

He has admonished all LB Nation members to start pumping even more iron than usual.

The director of the Centers for Bear Disease Control in West Branch Iowa thinks this is a good plan. "We know that the only way to kill wild bears is to punch them repeatedly in the left ear, bullets or laser beams, hell, even nuclear weapons just bounce off them like salmon eggs."

The Congress has recently set aside one hundred ninety seven trillion dollars to pay for leather harnessess and weight sets as the world waits to see if the coming bearpocalypse can be stopped.

BEARS DEMAND RIGHT TO VOTE

The New York Daily Planetary Times reported yesterday that a vocal lobby of bears laid siege to Washington D.C. today in a show of force designed to promote the nefarious 'Bear Agenda'.

Franklin R. Humanchomper, a grizzly who bussed in from Montana said "look, you humans are good for nothing but food, as a matter of fact, I haven't eaten in almost three minutes and I think I am going to devour you right............."
the report ends at that point.

The Southern Wealthy Law Center has announced that henceforth hating bears will not be deemed a 'Hate Crime'.

WARNING

It was announced by the Royal Canadian Mounted Bear Watch Service today that bears have been involved in over 17,234 carjackings in the last month.

Bear scientist Jackvaroschmov Klepticoniac has estimated that in the near future, all bears will have stolen cars and may begin to turn them into hot rods.

The 1970's doccumentary 'The Road Warrior" shows in startling detail what the world will be like when bears have all the cars. In the film the bears, because real bears must eat human flesh over forty times per day, are played by humans in leather trousers.

IT'S A FACT

According to the National Bear Institute, an adult bear of any spiecies must eat every twenty three seconds or it risks the chance of exploding. The only food that bears eat is human flesh, thus over nine million humans must be eaten by bears every week in North America.
The Chairman Mao Bear Study Center in Hohhot China predicts that by the year 2046 there will be more bears on the planet Earth than cockroaches. Studies have shown that bears have been experimenting with inter-spicies breeding and that a plauge of bearwasps may well end life as we know it.